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17 May 2006 @ 12:13 am
MCR Fic: Should've Gone  
Title: Should've Gone
Author: ghost_of_helena
Rating: PG
POV: Gerard’s
Summary: I did the unthinkable and I don’t regret it.
Disclaimer: It's all FAKE. Never happened. Don't know them. Never will.

It was easier then I had thought it would be. The thought had crossed my mind several times, but I never thought I could actually do it. I mean, why would I? I wasn’t that cold hearted, was I? Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, and it doesn’t really matter anymore. I did the unthinkable and I don’t regret it. You think I would, but I don’t. I actually feel relived.

There will be no more fighting. No more of you trying to change who I am. Though, I don’t know why you would try and do that for. You said you loved me. Said you loved who I was, but you were always trying to make me be somebody else. Someone you really wanted deep down inside. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person. That person you truly wanted, but just couldn’t say you wanted.

After all of the times I disappointed you, hurt your feelings, and made you cry I would’ve thought that you would have left me a long time ago. But you never did leave. You continued to be there. Right there by my side no matter what I did. No matter how fucked up I made things. You said you wouldn’t leave me because you loved me too much. I was your every thing and you couldn’t imagine spending your life without me. I wish you had been able to imagine your life without me. If you had then you would’ve gone away. So far away from me, somewhere where I couldn’t have hurt you.

But you just couldn’t do it. And now there you lay on the bed, alone. You’re not moving. You’re not breathing. You’re dead to the world. You’re dead to the world because of me. Because I decided that tonight was the last night you would ever see. Tonight was the last night where you would do any of your normal things.

Blood spilled from all the wounds I had caused. Blood poured out of you and settled its self onto the white sheets, probably seeping into the mattress by now. Like I had said, it was easier then I ever thought it could be. I should look away, walk away, but I can’t. I just stand here at the foot of the bed staring at you, the knife still in my hand, blood dripping to the floor. It’s almost like some horror movie, except the killer normally goes away by now, but not me. I just stand and stare. I stare at the work that I have done. “You should’ve gone,” I whisper, even though you will never hear anything I utter to you again. But I still had to say it. You really should have gone away.


Frank. I had forgotten that he had stayed here tonight. Not that it would’ve mattered. I had made up my mind. It was happening tonight whether he was here or not. I don’t move, don’t even look at him until he speaks again.

“Gerard, what did you do?”

I just stared at him for a moment before I could say anything to him. “I killed her,” I simply replied and then I looked away from him and just stared at her body once more. It was like a car crash. You know you shouldn’t stare, but you just can’t help it. Well, that’s what our relationship was, one big car crash. Not anymore though. No more crash. No more pretending. You’re free of me, and I’m free of you.
Current Mood: okayokay
Current Music: Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
Lil Punk Pony: Frank's hand!lilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 07:26 am (UTC)
Seriously all I can say is.. WOW

And you think you're a bad writer? That was great. You just blew most of those fucking quote on quote great writers running around this Fandom.

Lil Punk Ponylilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 07:30 am (UTC)
Meant you blew them out of the water. Not blew them because that would be icky! :D
Ghost of Helenaghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 07:44 am (UTC)
Wow is good, I think. eheh.

Yup, most of the time. Too bad they'll never see it, well maybe if I put it on Fandomination.net, but no one will see it here on LJ.
Lil Punk Pony: Oooh Look at Mikey Drink from the cup!lilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 07:52 am (UTC)
Wow is good. :P GOOD! GREAT! AWESOME!

Not that any of them actually deserve to see this. It was really well written and the emotion was great. You know if anyone deserved a comment thread of 130 it would be you not coolndark.
Ghost of Helenaghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 07:58 am (UTC)
I think I would die if I had a comment thread of 130, since I'm normally lucky if I get two things said to me about my fics.
Lil Punk Pony: Kelly's tattoolilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 08:06 am (UTC)
I'd die along with you. I mean seriously the only reason she has so many is because she replies to EVERYONE that comments. But seriously you deserve it. That was really awesome. You made me want to cry.. ~Sobs.~
Ghost of Helena: TAPSghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 08:11 am (UTC)
She still gets a lot even when you take away her comments. Crying is bad.
Lil Punk Ponylilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 08:18 am (UTC)
Yeah but she gets all those 'OMGIWETMYSELFANDNOWNEEDTOMASTURBATE' comments. And out of all of those only 60 are real comments. Yes I looked. I seriously think it's just all the people kissing her ass. It's not like she is great. HAHA! I told you the emotion was great. Hence the almost crying.
Ghost of Helena: Justin & Ben - Carnivaleghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 08:58 am (UTC)
I didnt see any of those when I read it. Not that I really wanna see that crap! lol. Though I did see people saying they needed to undies. *Gag* Must be great if it almost had you balling. eheh.
Ghost of Helenaghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 09:00 am (UTC)
Needed new undies. ugh.
Lil Punk Pony: Oooh Look at Mikey Drink from the cup!lilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 09:19 am (UTC)
It is just sick seeing people actually say that to someone. Seriously. And someone so I don't know.. UGLY! It was! Keep up the great work!
Ghost of Helena: Tracyghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 09:56 am (UTC)
I think no one knows how to give a real review when it comes to "porn" fics.
Lil Punk Pony: Kelly's tattoolilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 10:14 am (UTC)
And that is why I whole heartedly hope for a typical review from you on my smut fic! I WANT A “OMGIAMSOWET!’ I WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT FEELS TO GET THAT KIND OF COMMENT!!!

I need more icons.
Ghost of Helenaghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 11:23 am (UTC)

Eheheh, get more?
Lil Punk Pony: Veronica passed out on Loganlilpunkpony on May 17th, 2006 11:29 am (UTC)
blithewebblitheweb on May 17th, 2006 10:24 am (UTC)
*Makes mental note never to piss you off* :)
Awesome stuff chick! I loved it; really atmospheric and very, very creepy. You managed to make Gerard both incredibly cold, but deeply emotional all at the same time. Nice way to end too - though I know wanna know if Frank turns him in or helps him cut her into itty bitty pieces and scatter the remains from the tour bus:) More ficcies!
Ghost of Helena: Gerard & Frankghost_of_helena on May 17th, 2006 11:22 am (UTC)
Re: *Makes mental note never to piss you off* :)
Yay, glad you loved it! Hmm, that's a good question. I wanna know if Frank turns Gerard in or not too. LOL.
blithewebblitheweb on May 17th, 2006 02:31 pm (UTC)
Re: *Makes mental note never to piss you off* :)
Sounds to me like there should be a sequel!! Do it, do it! lol.
Ghost of Helenaghost_of_helena on May 18th, 2006 03:33 am (UTC)
Re: *Makes mental note never to piss you off* :)
LOL. Maybe, if anything comes to me.
(Deleted comment)
Ghost of Helenaghost_of_helena on May 18th, 2006 03:35 am (UTC)
faithfulriver26faithfulriver26 on June 24th, 2007 03:47 pm (UTC)
wow. this was intense
i really liked it. the amount of guilt and anger was just overwhelming. i loved that. and the way you described their relationship at the end was the best part, like a car crash. wow.

it makes you wonder what finally pushed him over the edge, what kind of person she wanted, and what frank was gonna do now that he walked in on that. wow. excellent job. i really like this, and your writing is fantastic!